


maybe

by roboticdisposition



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, I Am Sorry, M/M, Sexuality, george wants to understand his sexuality, george: gay panic, george: im not gonna say no, he suggests to himself to go see a prostitute, im stupid i know, then somehow i went off about meaning and sexuality cos apparently i cant help myself, will offers to fuck him instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 07:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19290952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roboticdisposition/pseuds/roboticdisposition
Summary: Will just looked at him blankly, narrowing his eyes and holding his head up with his fist. “You took a girl home like… like what - last week? You can’t be that desperate, you really can’t.”“It’s not…” George started, his shoulders slumping when he realised what this meant, what any of this meant, what all of this meant. “I’m not looking for a girl though,” He sighed, looking away, “It’d be a bloke, I mean.”“A guy?” Will stumbled, his feet kicked up to his chest, “You wanna pay a guy to fuck you?”George exhaled slowly, the reality heavy in his chest, in the air. The words lingering around the room, echoing, taunting. George wondered about taking it back, claiming he was tired or drunk - both. But he didn’t, “Yeah… yeah, I suppose so.”





	maybe

**Author's Note:**

> right hello hi i hope ur all doing well
> 
> this is literally me just being deranged for like 13k so.... yeah please dont expect anything genius
> 
> i dont know if i fucked up the wording regarding sex work so im sorry if i did, no offence was meant to anyone or anything
> 
> and ofc this is just fiction and all its just a bit of fun
> 
> gonna shut up now cos im really just abandoning all of my obligations for this and i really gotta stop fjdklsjfs so i hope u enjoy pls let me know what u think, thank u for reading big hearts pls enjoy xxx

“So I’ve been thinking, yeah?” George mumbled lowly, his fingers itching in his fists. “Will?”

“Yeah? Sorry, what’d you say?”

George sighed, watching Will poke his head up from his computer. They were in Will’s room, George sprawled back across the bed, lengthways, so both his head and his feet were hanging off. Will was sat at his desk, editing some video, trying not to get distracted by George’s endless chattering.

“I’ve been thinking,” George said again, sitting up properly and crossing his legs in the middle of the bed.

Will interrupted him before he could get any further, “That’s dangerous, that is - thinking? You?” Will snorted. George threw a pillow at his head. “I’m speaking facts, George, and you know it-”

“Shut up,” George shook his head, shuffling to try and get comfy, brushing his hands against the sheets, smoothing out the creases. Will played over a section of this video, the audio joining the conversation.

It cut off abruptly when Will pressed pause, cutting another section before saving. He turned around sharply and leant his elbow on the back of the chair, “So you’ve been thinking?”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking…” George started again, thinking about phrasing, whether there was a right way and a wrong way to say what he was about to unleash. Before he realised it was late - he could play it off as drunk, even without the liquor.

“What have you been thinking then, George?” Will broke the delayed silence, spurring George into action, his mouth going before his brain could catch up.

“I don’t know whether to go to a prostitute.”

“You what?” Will spluttered, his eyebrows raised like they were aiming for the ceiling. George snorted, realising he never got so far as the reaction when he played it out in his head.

“You know - a prostitute, is that the right word for them? Sex worker? Escort - I think they’re more like… like dates and shit, though.” George mumbled, kicking his feet out across Will’s bed, bones creaking as he stretched.

“You wanna pay someone to have sex?” Will asked, frowning with his head tilted; he looked a bit confused. George didn’t blame him, not really. It wasn’t like George himself knew the reality of his intentions.

“Yeah, I suppose I do,” George nodded in agreement, wincing once it’d been spoken out loud. “But like… well, yeah, I guess.”

Will just looked at him blankly, narrowing his eyes and holding his head up with his fist. “You took a girl home like… like what - last week? You can’t be that desperate, you really can’t.”

“It’s not…” George started, his shoulders slumping when he realised what this meant, what any of this meant, what all of this meant. “I’m not looking for a girl though,” He sighed, looking away, “It’d be a bloke, I mean.”

“A guy?” Will stumbled, his feet kicked up to his chest, “You wanna pay a guy to fuck you?”

George exhaled slowly, the reality heavy in his chest, in the air. The words lingering around the room, echoing, taunting. George wondered about taking it back, claiming he was tired or drunk - both. But he didn’t, “Yeah… yeah, I suppose so.”

Will sat back, leaning against the desk, his computer kicking into standby. “I didn’t know you were that way inclined.” His words were jolted, unsure and careful. George sighed heavy in his throat, leaning his head back against the bed like he was getting comfy in his coffin.

“I don’t know if I am,” George clarified, fidgeting numbly against the sheets, “That’s the point.”

“You wanna get a prostitute to find out if you’re gay?” Will sighed, hitting the nail on the head. George felt weary, like he needed to rest for months on end - run into hibernation, something like that.

“The official term could be sex worker, I don’t know-”

“That’s not really the point, George, mate.” Will snorted, running his fingers through his hair slowly. George copied the motion, something for his fingers to do without ripping his skin to shreds.

It was uncomfortable, admitting it, that he’d considered it. Both men as a concept and paying for sex. It wasn’t like it was shameful, not outwardly, not to anyone else, but it was different through George’s eyes, when he went into incognito, shut his eyes, and imagined. It was different when it was George, and it was reality.

“You think you’re… you’re gay then? Or bi? Or-”

“I don’t know, Will,” George sighed, sitting up again, feeling like he needed to be sedated to stay still, “That’s the point, I don’t know, but maybe… Yeah - that’s what it is, it’s the possibility of maybe I am.”

“So you think maybe you are?” Will asked again. George knew he wasn’t trying to be an idiot, but George thought of him such regardless.

“Yeah, maybe - it’s all maybes, isn’t it?” George stumbled, the words sounding slurred when it was dark and he couldn’t remember what’d sparked the decision to voice this. “It’s maybe I am, maybe I’m not - and maybe I’ll waste my money on some guy that’s shit at sex regardless and I’ll be no wiser.”

“Good use of your millions, that is-”

“Fuck off,” George snorted, “I’m just gonna be… endorsing sex, positive sex - none of that fucking bullshit you hear about with the business, y’know? So you think that’s alright?”

“I don’t know, George, whatever you think, mate.” Will sighed, rubbing at his face, looking at George as if he wanted to pick him apart. George shuffled under his gaze, wondering if he shouldn’t have mentioned it.

“I don’t wanna mess with that like abusive part of the industry, I mean - like, some are just in it for good sex, right?”

“I don’t know, mate.” Will snorted, “I’m gonna be honest with you, I have vastly limited experience in sex work.”

George shook his head, laughing numbly, “What time is it?” He asked instead, wondering if he could just excuse himself and pretend this conversation never occurred at all.

“Like two, or something - I don’t know, I don’t really care.” Will laughed, “I think the more pressing matter is that you wanna pay some guy to sleep with you-”

“Alright, Will,” George spluttered, “You’ve said it enough times.”

“I’m just… shocked, is all,” Will tried to soften his voice, gesturing wildly to try and explain his point, “It’s just like… I don’t know.”

“About possibly being gay?”

“Nah, don’t really care if you wanna shag girls, guys, a mixture of both - that’s your life, not mine, you idiot… It’s just - it’s just, what about going to a club, and whatever - the normal way, I suppose.”

George snorted, adjusting himself on the bed so his head was resting on the pillows and his feet could kick into the air. “‘Cos guys in clubs look like dickheads-”

“How do you know the guy you pay won’t look like a dickhead?” Will exclaimed, gesturing wildly like he had some point to prove.

“I don’t know - I have faith that if some guy has a job in sex, they wouldn’t look like a dickhead.” George snorted, raising his eyebrows, “It’s not like I can just walk into some club and be like ‘right who’s gonna fuck me then’, like… that’s not gonna end well, is it?”

“I don’t know, George, alright?” Will sighed, rubbing at his eyes as if the conversation was draining the life out of him, “Just don’t want you to get like… scammed or hurt or whatever-”

“How would that happen, huh?”

“‘Cos you never know what’ll happen,” Will tried to defend, sitting up straight, “It’s not like you know the guy you’re gonna be fucking… they could be fucking anyone.”

“And how would I know some random lad from some club down in South London any better, ‘cos that doesn’t really make sense, does it?”

“I don’t know,” Will sighed, closing his eyes slowly as his words hung in the air, “I don’t know, George.”

“I just… I can’t walk into a club, alright?” George argued, his voice calmer now, as if they’d started arguing without realising it. “I can’t do that… I just, I can’t. So this just - this just feels like the best way to go about it, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” Will mumbled slowly, opening his eyes to turn and shake his mouse, waking the computer back up. “Just don’t want you getting hurt, is all.”

George huffed a laugh, sitting up and crossing his legs again, “What, me with my big muscles can’t handle some bloke? Yeah, alright.”

Will sighed, his body caving inwards, slumped shoulders and cricked necks, “I’m just saying.”

“Yeah, I know,” George softened, letting his head fall back against the pillow, sinking into it gently, “I just… I’m not gonna go for some dodgy guy - if anything, a prostitute, or sex worker - whatever you wanna call the lads, are safer, ‘cos you know who you’re getting.”

“Alright,” Will nodded, frowning through furrowed brows over his shoulder at George, “Just be careful-”

“You’ve told me enough times, Will - if I’m not fucking careful I can be guaranteed to get an earful from you, so…”

“Yeah,” Will shook his head, smiling with upturned lips, “Good.” George smiled and the room faded back down, like the volume had been slashed in half and the wind echoing through the windows was amplified.

George shuffled against the sheets, Will turning back to his editing. He thought the conversation over, but he was tired and his mouth wouldn’t stop talking. He thought his brain should really stop it, but he couldn’t get a grasp on it. “It’d be good though, y’know, to know if I am, like… gay, or something, just to know, really.”

“Yeah?” Will asked slowly, the software bright on his screen, both sets of eyes averted. “Has this been like… a question in your head for a while?”

“Yeah, suppose so,” George mumbled, watching Will cut out a section of the video, the audio filling the gaps in the conversation again, “Not that long though, just a couple weeks… just an idea really, turned into something bigger - didn’t really expect it.”

Will hummed, “Yeah, it’s good you’re not like… suppressing it, I don’t know-”

“Yeah, you know me, internalised homophobe over here,” George let his eyes shut for a moment, “But no, yeah… just wanted your view on it really, I know heading straight to paying for a bloke to fuck me isn’t really like… the most conventional, but yeah, I don’t know.”

“Mm,” Will nodded, cutting a section of the video, clicking the mouse across the screen before he stopped, pausing slowly, his body still as a statue in his chair, “So - so they’d fuck you? This mystery lad?”

George snorted, his eyes skidding over Will’s form, the tense grip of the mouse, legs tapping under the desk, “You really think I’m about to top some bloke?”

“I don’t know, George - I’m not some like… gay expert, I don’t know-”

“You know enough, Will mate, to know I’m not gonna fucking pipe some bloke.”

“I was just asking,” Will defended, hands gesturing towards the computer to emphasise his point, “So someone’s gonna fuck you, then?”

“Yeah, Will, that’s what I just said-”

“Alright mate, calm down,” Will laughed; George didn’t know if it sounded forced, “I was just asking.”

George hummed, legs kicking out in the sheets, “Yeah, someone’s gonna fuck me.”

“Does that not like… scare you? Or something?”

“Nah,” George considered, “Had enough time to think about it, and all.”

Will just nodded, letting George’s words echo slowly, the conversation clipped but unfinished. George didn’t know whether to press further, but he didn’t really know the point to all this himself. He didn’t really know what he was looking for, what he wanted Will to say, why he told him in the first place.

It wasn’t even like it was a plan, of sorts. It was just an idea, something to mull over when it was quiet and George was lonely, how he’d do it, what he’d do, how it’d feel - if it was okay. It scared him, but he got over it. It was more quiet thoughts than pressing urges.

“You’re sure then?” Will asked eventually, causing George’s eyes to flicker onto his own from where he’d turned around in the chair at his desk.

“Yeah,” George hummed, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“Alright,” Will whispered, smiling loosely. George tilted his head and frowning, the air falling tense, everything feeling rough instead of steady, like the air was full of sandpaper and grains. “Alright then.”

George tried at a smile, causing Will’s to falter before he turned back to the computer. The audio cut in and out while George lay back against Wil’s bed. He thought he should move, leave Will alone, let him edit in peace. But he was tired, and it was late. So he stayed where he was, his head blurred like smudges of conscious. He fell asleep before he could contemplate it all again, thinking all of it could wait until at least the morning. So it did.

\--

“You know what you said, the other day?” Will asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa, perching on the arm, “When you were thinking?”

“I say a lot of shit, Will.” George ignored him, trying to reinstall some update for his laptop, “You’re gonna have to narrow it down.”

Will sighed, heavy in the back of his throat. George looked up, raising his eyebrows, watching Will fidget. “You know, when we were in my room, and I was editing, and you were on the bed, and just…”

George snorted, “Yeah, helpful, that is - as if I don’t steal your bed all the time.”

Will shoved him in the shoulder, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. He looked antsy; George supposed he was making it worse, being awkward, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, supposed to really do.

“When you said you were gonna see a prostitute,” Will blurted out, halting George’s fingers against the trackpad. He paused and tilted his head towards the screen, the progress bar needing his attention. He shut the lid.

“Yeah?” George sighed, listening to the hum of his laptop click off, the update undoubtedly failing. “I was just chatting shit, you know how it is.”

“Mm,” Will hummed, tapping his feet against the floor, rustling against the fabric of the sofa.

George watched him and wrung his wrists in his lap; it wasn’t that he didn’t mean it, what he said that night, it was that he shouldn’t have voiced it. He’d reasoned it better when it was the morning after and George was suddenly remembering in flashes, like he’d been drunk when he was sober, high when he was clean.

He didn’t think it mattered much, though. When he’d settled the fear in his stomach, George realised it didn’t really matter, and maybe it would be forgotten, he could go about whatever, and even if he didn’t go and pay someone, it wasn’t like it mattered.

But Will hadn’t forgotten, and not only had he not forgotten, but he was also talking about it. It wasn’t like a long lost conversation they could laugh about or something to be mocked. George shuffled nervously on the sofa, feeling eyes watching him like he was a criminal on trial.

“I didn’t mean it,” George tried to speak again, slouching into the sofa cushions, his voice unconvincing even to his own ears. “It’s just… yeah, something of nothing.”

“But you said it,” Will prodded gently, pushing the conversation. George didn’t know what he was after, what he wanted, but he couldn’t give it enough thought. His brain was whirring and his head spinning, lost conversation under the stars brought back to the present.

George pushed the laptop onto the floor, curling his knees up against his chest, looking out across his flat, the mess across the kitchen, across the coffee table, shit tucked in the corners like sliced organs. “But… it was just-”

“You were questioning it, though?” Will asked, sounding more doubtful, 

George felt his resolve dissipating, like he was sitting and watching his soul leave his body. He nodded slowly, words lost somewhere in the empty bottles and takeaway boxes sprawled on the counter.

“Alright, alright…” Will mumbled, looking away, fingers itching across his thighs. George furrowed his brow, opening his mouth to talk before Will got there first. “What if you tried with me instead?”

George felt his head shrink back, his body curl smaller, feeling like a bystander watching on the sidelines. “What?”

Will shuffled across the arm, standing up and starting to pace softly. He stopped suddenly, looking towards George with eyes that laid himself bare. George didn’t think he liked it, seeing Will bothered, moithered, like this was something.

“What if you tried with me instead of a prostitute - sex worker, whatever you wanna call them.”

George felt like he was choking on his breath, wishing he would’ve kept his laptop up as a wall to hide behind, if nothing else. “What?” He said again, failing to find anything else to say.

“You heard me,” Will hummed, his fists clenched by his sides.

George knew he was making this harder than it needed to be; he was prolonging the agony, holding off the answer, the dilemma, figuring out what it meant. But he couldn’t do anything else. He found himself hopeless, wishing he could take back the conversation, the words he spilt when he was tired and he was with Will.

“Why?” George asked, stuttering, “Are you gay?”

Will faced him with a pained look painted across his features, he started pacing again before he answered, “Let’s call it experimenting.”

George tried not to react, attempting to hide the way his chest stumbled in its rhythm and his breath stopped in his throat. It wasn’t a surprise, it wasn’t a shock, it was just unexpected. It was still early, the sun bright across the sky, giving no place for him to hide.

He couldn’t think, he didn’t really understand, and he certainly didn’t know why, but his head was spinning. “So is it just… would it just be an experiment for you too, then?”

“Yeah,” Will sighed, “Yeah… just, help save you your money, getting taken advantage off and all-”

“Shut up, I wouldn’t go find some dodgy bloke out to rob me while I sleep,” George mumbled, feeling like he was operating two steps behind the current.

“Yeah, doesn’t mean I like it-”

“You don’t have to like it,” George protested before he stopped. He meant what he said, although he supposed it ran deeper than that. He volunteered the information, he brought up the topic that night, he discussed it. Maybe somewhere along the lines, he was looking for approval, for someone - for Will, to encourage it.

Or maybe he was just sunlit and the update on his laptop had failed and he couldn’t think straight any more. George couldn’t tell, but he didn’t suppose that mattered. It didn’t have to be what he was making it out to be. It didn’t have to be any deeper than it was. It could just be them.

George suddenly realised it wasn’t just hypotheticals, it was Will standing in front of him and offering something George wanted, something that caused flickers in his chest when the offer struck his nerves. It didn’t have to be deeper, he thought again, wringing his hands in his lap as he tried to get up to speed.

“Have you fucked anyone before?” George spluttered, unexpected words falling off his lips. Will didn’t look surprised - George supposed he felt it enough for both of them.

“Girls of course, yeah-”

“Well yeah, you fucking idiot,” George tried to laugh, weak in the air, “I didn’t think you were a virgin.”

“Shut up,” Will shook his head, coming to sit on the arm of the sofa again. The room faded into silence, as if nothing had changed. Except George’s laptop was on the floor, the time on the clock had moved on, and everything had changed.

It was just sex, he thought slowly. Who did it matter who it was? It was about sexuality, about confirming what he already suspected. It wasn’t about some sex worker earning his buck, it wasn’t about Will sat on his sofa offering the impossible. It was George and it was trying to understand.

Except it felt different. It felt different when it was Will, and the offer was spat out across the flat, growing and multiplying with every second. It wasn’t just some far fetched idea of sexuality, being gay, sleeping with a man. It wasn’t just some random bloke with a condom. It was Will. George couldn’t level it straight.

“You’re…” George started, narrowing his eyes at the clouds as if they’d morph into something of an answer, “You’re telling me you’d wanna sleep with me?”

Will sighed, his eyes flicking to the side of George’s head, catching his profile in the light. George sensed the attention but he didn’t move, he didn’t want to face him head-on. He supposed when he faced away, he could pretend it was still living in hypotheticals.

“I - yeah,” Will gave in, his shoulders curled in, one foot propping him up, the other resting on his thigh, “Just… don’t want you getting ripped off by some bloke you’re paying for… like - like where’s the genuity in that? How are you gonna know if some guy is just faking it to get paid?”

“You saying some guy is gonna have to fake it to be with me?” George tried to joke, lighten what was growing heavy.

“I’m saying, I don’t want you taken advantage of,” Will stated bluntly.

George twitched, recoiling in the corner of the sofa. It was Will’s voice, Will’s figure, Will’s words, but again, it felt heavier than that. It felt heavier than lazy banter and stupid conversations. George felt the twitching in his legs, the weight in his chest, something telling him to go for it, but he couldn’t reason that with logic.

“I wouldn’t be taken advantage of, Will.” George protested, gesturing out the window, around the flat, as if it emphasised his point when all it did was push the air around. “I have some sense, you know.”

Will stood up again, jolted motions, nothing slow, everything fast and jerky like Will was built on tensed muscles and adrenaline. George wondered if he’d had too much coffee.

“Look,” Will started, pausing in his tracks to run a hand through his hair, bumping his knees into the coffee table, “We don’t have to… it was just… it was just an option, if you wanted.”

“Alright,” George mumbled, feeling a concave where his lungs used to be. “Sorry - I just… didn’t expect you to say that.”

Will snorted, “Me neither.”

George tried at a laugh, huffing into the air, light atmosphere with tensed bodies, heavy meaning, George overthinking. “Are you just saying this, ‘cos of… you don’t think paying a bloke for sex is a good plan, or do you actually-”

“You’re not repulsive, George.” Will stumbled, “I wouldn’t mind sleeping with you, just - just to figure it out… for the both of us, y’know?”

“Figure out…” George trailed off, repeating the words like an echo for his own benefit.

Will nodded, biting his thumb, looking over to George hopelessly, “Figure out this… this gay thing, whether that’s what you like, or whether it’s not… and whether I want it, or if it’s just, whatever.”

George nodded slowly, like he’d been sucked into a trance. They were spinning around in circles, dizzy with directions and unexpected movements. 

He gulped, swallowing heavily at the back of his throat. It felt deeper still, he couldn’t reason with it, that it’d fuck up their friendship, make things awkward or stupid. George couldn’t level where that stopped, where it was just sex, friendship, whether it was stupid or whether it was something of nothing.

“Alright,” George mumbled.

“Is that ‘alright let’s go’ or ‘alright whatever’?” Will asked slowly, tilting his head and turning towards the window, always moving, shifting against the light.

George sighed, thinking it early, this all too heavy, remembering his abandoned laptop, the video he’d already put off enough. He thought about it all, and finally thought about Will. He thought about what he wanted, what it meant.

“I’ll think about it,” George looked up, eyes burning the back of Will’s scalp, quiet in the sunlight but daunting regardless. “I’ll think, alright?”

Will turned around, meeting George’s gaze. His shoulders slumped and he smiled gently, his lips curving up. “Alright,” he said slowly. He sighed, his body relaxing like he was unwinding, a toybox going the wrong way.

George watched him move, his figure sloping into the kitchen, “You want a drink?” George sighed, rubbing his eyes, thinking it was over like that, like that was all it was, and it wouldn’t be mentioned again.

Except it would, he would be naive to think otherwise. It wasn’t like they’d discuss it and once the conversation was over, their memories would be wiped. It wasn’t like this wouldn’t cause waves regardless. But George tried to believe that was it, that he didn’t have to think, understand the consequences and figure out what he wanted.

“Yeah,” George stood up slowly, stretching out his bones, clicking into place, “Yeah, go on.”

Will smiled, reaching into George’s cupboard. He tried not to watch him but he was the only life in sight. His fingers curling around the mugs, reaching for a spoon, his motions softer now, like the desperation had slowed down, leaving his body slowly.

George sighed, clenching his eyes shut, trying to level it out, feel like he was walking on solid ground. He held his words tight, thinking about meaning, thinking about leaving it all behind for the minute.

‘I’ll think about it’, he thought again, the words travelling through his head. He supposed that answer said it all, whether he wanted to admit it yet or not.

\--

“Hey Will?” George asked, lolling his head back against Will’s desk chair. Will was sitting on his bed, a reflection of what started it all. “You know what? Yeah, alright.”

Will looked up slowly, his phone gripped tightly in his fingers, the blue lights fading across his features, “What?”

“I said yeah, alright.” George said again, the control of his voice shaking under the pressure, “Yeah.”

Will narrowed his eyes, frowning as he huffed a laugh, “‘Yeah’ what?”

“Fuck me.” George shrugged, pretending it was nothing, as if it hadn’t been bothering him for hours, days and nights. But he supposed he was convinced, or at least, as close as he was going to get. It wasn’t hesitancy anymore, it was understanding what it was, and dismissing it. It was accepting who they were, and pretending it didn’t matter.

Will’s face morphed into something unrecognisable. George sat still waiting, feeling the shock reflected on his own face, the words heavy sitting in the air. He wondered if this was a mistake, if Will was just chatting shit and he didn’t mean it the other day, but he couldn’t ignore the thoughts any longer.

It was all that’d been streaming through his subconscious for the last couple days, the words, possibilities, outcomes - everything, buzzing like a swarm of wasps through his head. But George finally realised he was overthinking it, whether he was kidding himself or not, he realised it didn’t matter.

It was Will, he’d reasoned. It was Will. It wasn’t some random bloke George had found on Google, it wasn’t some lad in the phonebook. It was Will - it was the two of them. It was understanding who they were.

But really, it was none of that at all.

It was just Will. And it was George. George thought that was all that really mattered. He dismissed the consequences, the possibilities and the reasons why and why not. He’d tossed it to the back of his head, called pest control on the wasps - whatever. He’d dismissed it.

George had always thought about boys, to some extent, just not like he had lately. It wasn’t a big thing; it didn’t have to be a big thing. When he’d told Will, he didn’t think it mattered, when Will had told him, he thought suddenly it mattered a whole lot. But he’d had time to think. He’d had time to react, respond, and understand it was panic.

It was the situation living purely in the back of his head suddenly becoming a reality, like it’d gone from a dream to a nightmare, and suddenly it all felt a bit too real. It was panic, setting in and making it feel more.

Except when it boiled down to it, George didn’t think it was any more than what it was. It was just Will, it was Will and it was George, and it was them figuring shit out. And maybe they’d hate it, laugh and realise this was a huge mistake, or maybe they’d realise it was alright - or maybe they’d be split down the middle.

But George had stopped caring. It wasn’t about the consequences, the outcomes. It was about doing it, this far fetched reality unfolding in front of his eyes, like something of wonder.

So when George watched Will’s face slowly turning to understand, he wasn’t scared - he’d levelled with it. Because he couldn’t decide the outcomes, he couldn’t decide whether he was or whether he wasn’t. He could only suspect, and they could only do what they wanted.

“Sorry?” Will eventually spluttered, his phone clicking to black in his hands.

George snorted, “You can fuck me, if you want to… don’t have to, just thought about what you said the other day, and yeah, if you wanted, then yeah.”

“You want me to sleep with you?” Will asked, bewildered.

George raised his eyebrows, smirking at a laugh, “I believe that was what you were offering, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah it was…” Will stumbled, looking like he’d seen a ghost. George just watched carefully, having accepted his own fate, he waited for Will to accept his own. “I just… didn’t expect you to agree.”

“I was gonna go and pay someone, Will mate. I was a bit desperate-”

“Fuck off,” Will protested, his hands dropping the phone to gesture, “You saying you’re only fucking me ‘cos you’re desperate?”

“No,” George smirked, “You’re fucking me, ‘cos I don’t wanna pay someone when I can get it for free.”

Will just raised his eyebrows, expressions crossing his face like they were washed over waves. “So you’re saying you want me to fuck you?”

George shrugged, “Yeah, if you still wanted to.”

Will rubbed at his eyes, blinking heavily when he opened them again. “Yeah, alright… to figure out this - this whole sexuality thing?”

“For whatever reason you want it to be,” George smiled carefully, “Yeah, ‘cos I wanna make sure I know, ‘cos it’s fun to experiment - for a number of reasons. You don’t have to do it for the same… but yeah, to experiment, figure it out, yeah.”

Will breathed in slowly, his chest rising as seconds passed, “Yeah, yeah alright then.”

George smiled, tilting his head, “You sure? ‘Cos this was your idea, y’know, you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Will replied, words filled with a meaning George refused to unpack.

He just smiled again, “Alright then.” He stood up, abandoning Will’s computer, leaving his phone on the desk, distancing himself while pacing towards the side of the bed. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Will hummed, his breaths evening out, his face looking calmer, more at peace. It made George smile, like it was all just Will and George, and nothing else. “Come here then.”

“Bossy, much?” George laughed, but crawled across the bed regardless, his legs falling either side of Will’s thighs, “Just tell me if you’re not into it, or whatever, and we’ll stop… it’s just, testing, experimenting, whatever, It’s just this and we can deal with whatever else after.”

“Yeah,” Will nodded, his eyes alight with a burning fire, embers hidden behind the colours, “Gonna kiss me then or just stare-”

George cut him off, shaking his head before he linked his fingers in his hair and jolted him forwards, their noses sliding together as they locked into place and George met their lips together with fire and flames, any fear long forgotten.

He kissed him slowly, adjusting to the differences, the rough edge of his jaw underneath his fingers, faded black where he hadn’t shaved. His hair was shorter underneath his fingers and his mouth was more urgent, tongues sliding together like chaos.

And then Will was taking over, it wasn’t George initiating, levelling them out. It was Will leading, guiding their tongues together, burning like molten gold between their lips. It was like lying in a fire and waiting to burn, skin turning crisp with the intensity, like Will was a spark he couldn’t shake.

“Fucking hell,” George choked on a breath, “You don’t do shit by half, do you?”

Will just laughed, sounding eternal like a raving fire, ravaging through the landscape, through the bodies, through George. “Thought that was the point.”

George snorted, shaking his head, feeling like this was all distant moments in time, linked together to form something resembling meaning - except George felt blind to it. He couldn’t see past Will’s heat, the smoke in his lungs. It was all consuming, stupid and intense.

Will kissed him again, rough with their skin merging together, bodies attached with Will’s hands on his face, across his neck. George licked into his mouth, desperate and unruly, like this was it, this was all he would get. Will responded eagerly, laughing into his mouth while he steadied him on his lap.

“Did you wanna stop?” Will asked, breaking away. An unreadable look shifted across his gaze, looking at George on top of him, like he was searching for something he couldn’t find.

George tilted his head, resting his thighs on Will’s lap, thinking about boundaries and how the definition had already been burned. “Not unless you wanted to.”

Will raised his eyebrows, “So you really want to?”

George snorted slowly, his shoulders slouching, panting as he struggled for air, “Yeah. Yeah, I do - I was gonna pay someone, you idiot, why would I back out now, when I’m getting it for free? I’m sure I told you that a couple minutes ago.”

Will just laughed, the noise shaking George on his lap, he tried to find the words to say, something to recover, contain the fire. But Will’s lips were against his own before he could manage.

Their mouths slid together like it was desperate and it mattered. George didn’t want it to matter, he thought about why it shouldn’t, why it didn’t, why it meant nothing at all. But he kissed him heavily, like his only chance of survival was breathing Will’s air, and he wondered if it did matter.

He thought about boys, about Will, about himself. He didn’t want it to matter; he wondered if he could convince himself it didn’t. George kissed him and tried to forget, think about boys, whether he liked it, whether it mattered. He felt dizzy, thinking about kissing a girl, kissing a boy. He gripped onto Will’s hair and kissed him hard.

“Saving you money, this is.” Will laughed, breathing in George’s air, “Don’t need a prostitute stealing your millions-”

“I don’t know who you’re getting your prices off,” George shook his head, “But I don’t think sex is gonna cost me millions.”

“You say that as if it’s still on the cards.”

George snorted, “Nah, what’s the point when you’re offering?”

Will just rolled his eyes, shutting George up with a kiss, pressing his lips heavy against his own. George felt toxic, like his bloodstream was filled with poison and his air was tight. He felt like this was something unsteady, delicate, breakable. But it didn’t feel like that at all.

It felt like passion and desperation, like it was flames growing and multiplying, unable to be contained. George kissed him and he couldn’t breathe. He wondered if that was normal, if he should like it so much. But he supposed that was the point of it all, figuring it out, understanding. That should’ve been it.

“You kiss like you’ve kissed a bloke before,” George blurted out, words spilling between lips like promises and secrets. “I thought this was just experimenting?”

“It is,” Will nodded, laughing, noses resting against each other. “I am just experimenting. Never exactly snogged a boy before.”

“Mm,” George hummed, tilting his head, catching Will’s lips like he was starving. “How you finding it then, this experimenting?”

Will raised his eyebrows, looking at him with clouded eyes, like the smoke was hiding something behind his pupils. “I don’t know, we’ll find out.” Will smiled, pulling away, his hands trailing down George’s waist. “You really meant what you said, you want this, yeah?”

George rolled his eyes, forgetting about meaning, thinking about freedom, experimentation, consequences, outcomes. He rolled his eyes and nodded, watching Will’s lips curl into a smile.

“Get off my lap then, get your jeans off,” Will smirked, letting his hands fall against his sides. It felt like youth and something stupid, like mistakes were written in on purpose - or maybe they weren’t mistakes at all. George shook his head, feeling lost in shreds of conscious as he climbed off Will’s lap.

“You think this is a mistake?” George asked, his barriers broken down. He didn’t know the answer, he didn’t know if there was an answer, but he wanted to ask. It felt ridiculous when the words fell off his tongue, but then they were in the air, floating like puffs of cigarettes in the night.

Will tilted his head, watching as George tugged down his jeans, throwing them across the room. George blinked and saw everything in flashes, like photographs and printed colours. The jeans fell to the floor and Will looked at him with his arms at his sides and his cheeks flushed with colour.

“No, I don’t think so.” Will responded, “But so what if it is?”

George shrugged, fingers playing with the hem of his top. He tried to forget it all, focus on Will, the breathing in his chest, the distance on the sheets, but he was stuck on what it meant. He wondered how he’d come into this so clear, so knowing, and how it’d all changed with a flash of a spark.

“If you were paying, what would you wanna do-”

“If you start a fucking prostitute roleplay with me, I genuinely think you're going to have to leave.”

Will snorted, resting his head back against the headboard, his legs kicked out on the bed. He bent his knee to rest against George’s, sat curled up next to him, wrestling with his shirt.

“Just wanna make sure you’re… y’know,” Will gestured, his hands flopping back down to his sides, “Getting what you want out of this.”

George shook his head, looking at him like he was stupid, and maybe he was - he didn’t care either way. “Course I am,” He said, bemused. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Will nodded, sounding sincere. George didn’t want him to sound sincere.

“You got lube, or do you want me to fetch some?” George said, snapping himself out of it, thinking about meaning, about nothing, somewhere in between.

Will laughed, shaking his head, he leaned over to the bedside table, shuffling around in some drawer before shutting it with a start and tossing a box of condoms and a bottle of lube between them casually. “That alright for you?”

“If you think we’re using the whole box-”

“Shut up,” Will interrupted him, shoving him gently with his wrist, “Was just easier than ripping one off.”

“Whatever you say,” George mumbled, climbing back towards Will, thinking he’d had enough waiting, enough of the patience and expression - the meaning. He wanted the indescribable, the experiments hidden under dimmed lights in closed doors. He wanted to be with a boy, and that happened to be Will.

Will stopped him before George could climb over his lap again, “You wanna be on top, then?” He asked, his hand steady across George’s hip. “‘Cos it might be better for you underneath.”

George gave him a look, stopping in his tracks. “Since when were you the fucking expert on gay sex?” Will laughed, it echoed through George’s ears - he resisted a smile. “I can be on top if I wanna be.”

“If you want,” Will smiled gently, like he was teasing, playing. George didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t this consuming nature of whatever this was.

“Why, what was your fucking master plan?” George grumbled, his shoulders curling in, feeling exposed with his legs pale and Will’s covered in jeans. “Take your jeans off, make it equal.”

“Bossy, you are.” Will laughed, raising his hips and pulling off his trousers. George watched intently, his skin smooth and his legs stupidly long and gangly. He thought about girls, shaved calves and soft thighs, and he thought about boys, about Will, about the scene laid out in front of him. He thought about it and let out a sigh, like a secret admission in the silence.

“Yeah,” George nodded, his own legs folded underneath himself. “So what?”

Will shook his head, smiling as he sat up properly, his muscles spurring into action as he clambered across the sheets and held himself up over George’s figure. George shrunk back, lying against the bed, feeling the weight of Will above him and every inch between them. 

“This was my plan,” Will mumbled, leaning forward again. “If you were going to pay a guy to fuck you, they’d take control.” He held himself up, dragging a pillow underneath George’s head.

He felt dizzy, like this was imagined moments, secrets fulfilled in the dark. It felt like every time he’d thought about a boy, how it’d feel, what they’d taste like, it felt like all of it had been compressed, compacted, until suddenly it was exploding. It was exploding and it was violent and it was needy. It was George desperate to know if he wanted this, or if it was just a fantasy, a stupid imagination.

“You gotta stop with this whole sex worker roleplay,” George tried to sigh, his hands rubbing at his shirt, “It’s really not sexy.”

Will snorted, “I’m not trying to be,” he lifted George’s shirt up with his spare hand, leaving George’s hands useless by his sides, replacing the grip on the shirt with the sheets. “I’m just trying to make it like what you want it to be.”

George shook his head, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He could barely feel his limbs, something numb taking over with the heat, the intensity. He didn’t dare say, didn’t dare admit it, but he supposed this was better than what George would want it to be.

“You hard?” George asked, his tone crushed by gravel in his throat, “Are you hard?” He asked again, trying to define something, make it easier - pretend it was just figuring it out, like that was all it was.

Will just snorted a laugh. George didn’t catch the look in his eyes, but he could feel the fire behind them. He leaned down and pressed their lips together again, growing in weight and growing in hunger. Will kissed him like he was trying to push him through the mattress; it was terrifying, George thought, liking it so much.

“What do you think?” Will said between kisses, his tongue weaving between George’s gums, twisted truths spoken with their teeth. Will pressed his hips down into George’s, the skin on their legs brushing like firewood, burned out and alive, their boxers melting together, like Will was trying to make a point, give George a statement. “Are you?”

George couldn’t respond with actions, so he just nodded. He watched Will’s face morph, his spare hand resting against George’s stomach as his cheeks warmed to match the burn in the air.

“Yeah?” Will continued, holding himself up with his wrist pressed into the pillows, their bodies blending, limbs twisting together until George didn’t know where he ended and Will began.

George nodded again, looking up into something infinite, waiting for something to snap, break, crush this all to the ground. But it didn’t. Will pressed their hips together, slotting his thigh between George’s legs, causing them to fall open across the mattress.

George felt out of control, his head spinning like the sensations were making him ill. Will caught his lips again, giving him a distraction, heat between their mouths, within their gums. He pressed their hips together, the fabric of their boxers burning in the heat.

“Sound like you’re enjoying this,” Will mumbled in the break of their lips, the air hot across George’s skin.

George just shook his head, “Yeah,” he nodded again, “Suppose so.”

“Suppose?” Will snorted, grinding heavy and pushing George into the mattress, “Do I not get more than that.”

“Nah,” George grinned, leaning up in an attempt to catch Will’s lips. “See what happens, can only improve.”

“Tough crowd,” Will laughed, dodging George’s lips to tilt his head up by his chin, sucking marks down his neck, scraping with his teeth.

George just huffed a laugh, his breath dissipating into the air, the weight of Will holding him steady, keeping him grounded. It felt stupid, laughing underneath Will, like something of a fever dream. But he liked it, he really liked it.

Will’s hips pressed down harder, pushing their bodies together. Soft sounds spilt out of George’s lips, Will swallowed them with his mouth, trailing back up to catch his mouth again.

“You think this means anything?” George breathed out slowly, words sinking into a gentle presence. George wondered if Will would stop, pull away to talk, but he didn’t. George was so thankful he didn’t.

“Depends,” Will shrugged, “I don’t know.”

George hummed, pitch shifting when Will caught him just right, his fingers toying with the edge of his boxers. He felt his bones twisting, his back arching into his touch. He felt out of control, and he supposed he liked that, really.

Will, slowly pulling back, kissed him one last time before leaning back on his knees between George’s legs. George watched him carefully, slow motions and gentle shifts of light. He tilted his head, looking down George’s body: his shirt tucked up by his chest, his boxers low on his hips, body pressed into the mattress and head into the pillow. His fingers reached for the lube, George felt his breath catch in his throat.

“You want me to do it?” Will asked, his eyes shining with something bright, alive. George nodded slowly, feeling washed in something devastating. He tried not to think about anything beyond the sensations, the puff of his lips and the weight on his body, but it happened regardless.

“Where do you want me?”

Will raised an eyebrow, George took it as a challenge. “Wherever you want.”

He flicked open the cap, the noise echoing through the room. George smiled, feeling breathless. He sat up, his hands grasping at the sheets. He flipped over onto his front, pressing his face into the pillow, his hands by his sides, straining to see Will behind him.

“This alright?” George smirked, watching Will’s face heat up. He liked that, he thought, that he could affect him. He supposed he wouldn’t have gotten that from someone he was paying - it would’ve been strictly business.

Will nodded before he spoke, “Yeah, yeah, it is.” George snorted, hearing his tone softer. “Gonna take your pants off, then?”

“Bossy,” George snapped back, laughing in his throat as he lifted his hips and pulled them off. He felt bare, something exposed, lying in Will’s bed, his shirt rucked up to his chest and his legs uncovered. He thought it was different, being underneath, being the one this happened to, rather than the one causing it.

Will didn’t respond, but George heard his movements anyway, he felt his knees brush against George’s thighs, his hands lifting up his hips and his fingers across his cheeks. George blushed heavily, the colour seeping into the white of the pillows, staining them with embers.

“Good?” Will asked steadily, waiting for George to answer before he slicked up his fingers. “Tell me if I’m doing it wrong.”

“What do you mean?” George mumbled, moaning lowly into the fabric of the pillow as Will pulled his cheeks apart, his fingers rubbing around the rim of his hole.

Will breathed out slowly, George felt the air across his back, shivers erupting through his spine. “Not exactly fingered someone before, have I?”

George clenched his eyes shut, the words spoken like harsh truths. Will’s fingers pressed into him gently, like he thought he was breakable, delicate. George wondered if he fingered girls that way.

“Thought that was the whole point of this?” Will mumbled, “Didn’t think you expected me to have experience-”

“I don’t,” George groaned, Will’s finger slowly pulling out before repeating the action again.

“Then tell me if I do it wrong,” Will laughed, “Wanna make it good for you, considering this was your whole idea-”

“Fuck off,” George mumbled, attempting to turn around to face him. Will stopped him, his spare hand against his back, pressing him down. “This was your idea, fucking me.”

“Yeah,” Will sighed, “Saving your money, why waste it on paying someone?”

George laughed; it sounded like excuses. He didn’t know if he cared. Nothing was clear with Will’s fingers stretching him from the inside out. He was two deep, scissoring them gently, twisting his wrist to try and find the nerves.

“Have you done this before, then?” Will asked softer, like he was scared of asking. George squirmed under his gaze, under his hands. He supposed he was scared too, although for different reasons, unless it was all the same, just experiences shared, fears conjoined.

George nodded into the pillow, pushing his hips back into Will’s hands, “Yeah,” He groaned, Will’s third finger probing at his rim, “Yeah, I have.”

Will choked on a breath, “That’s fit, isn’t it?”

George just snorted, shaking his head. He’d almost forgotten this was Will, Will who came out with stupid shit, stupid ideas, stupid suggestions. It was Will; George thought he liked that.

“Yeah, Will - fingering myself is fit, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?”

“Thought the point was it felt good?” Will said under his breath, sounding like he wanted to know the answer, like this wasn’t just endless teasing, like it was curious and asking.

“Yeah, it is,” George groaned, Will pushed a third finger into him, “But it’s supposed to be hot too.”

Will snorted, laughing as he fucked into George, his fingers delicate but his motions jerky, like he couldn’t restrain himself. “Yeah, it is… you look good like this.”

“What? Where you can’t see me?” George laughed, the sounds transforming when Will’s fingertips pressed into his nerves, shooting sparks of fire through his veins, into his blood.

Will moaned softly, like he was in harmony, somehow. George liked it, hearing him, feeling him.

“No, ‘cos I can see all of you here-”

“Not my face though,” George corrected, burying the redness to his cheeks into the pillow.

“Can imagine that though, seen that much of you before… you look good all over, like this.”

George opened his mouth to respond but he couldn’t find the words, everything lost in traces in the heat of it all. George felt Will’s motions behind him, his spare hand trailing down his back to pull his cheeks apart, cold air spreading across where Will’s fingers met his hole.

“Did you want me to fuck you?” Will whispered, as if he was scared to say the words. George snorted, laughing at the possibility of ever saying no.

“Yeah,” George bit his lip, “Yeah, I do - did you still wanna fuck me?”

Will didn’t answer immediately, George fidgeted to try and turn over, catch the look on his face, but Will didn’t let him. George wondered if he didn’t want to, if this would be it - although he supposed that was alright, if it was. Maybe it was for the best.

“Yeah,” Will said eventually. George almost didn’t hear him through the breathy silence. “I do.”

“You sure about that?” George laughed, pushing back into Will’s fingers, trying not to show desperation, failing when he whined. “Don’t have to, if you’re not into it… ‘cos the whole point was y’know, experimenting, and whatever, so if you’re not into it-”

“I am… into it, I mean.” Will sighed, his fingers slowly pulling out of George. It felt empty afterwards, George protesting with a half-hearted groan, muffled by the pillow. “I’m just…” 

“Yeah?” George asked, feeling Will move back, give him space. George turned over and sat up, facing him where he was sat on his knees.

“Yeah,” Will rubbed at his face with his spare hand, wiping the other on the sheets. “Just… never fucked a boy before.”

“Isn’t that the point?” George said, tilting his head, his fingers reaching out for Will, clawing for the proximity, the closeness, before they fell against the sheets, giving Will space.

Will looked up at him through his eyelashes. George didn’t know what to do with the flushed cheeks and the bitten red lips, but he felt something stirring in his chest, like the fire was reignited and hungry.

“Yeah,” Will said, “Just want it to be good for you, though.”

George narrowed his eyes, shuffling closer, “It’ll be good for me if it’s good for you-”

“Bit soppy, that is.” Will tried to joke, his hands on his thighs, palms up like he didn’t know what to do. “Thought we were just having sex, no need to sound like you’re a middle-aged romantic in a rom-com.”

“Please shut up,” George groaned, “Just don’t want you to force yourself, or whatever’s going through your head.”

George watched him carefully, his head twisting to look around the room, looking down at his hand, the box of condoms, George against the sheets, curled up with his knees to his chest. The silence was thick, but it was peaceful. It gave George the chance to think, to digest, to process what this was.

It was all of the times he’d imagined a boy fucking him, it was the dreams and the videos he’d watched, and it was so much more. It was like he wasn’t just getting fucked; George sighed, thinking it always returned to this idea of meaning.

He wondered about consequences, when he was sat, watching Will bite his lips, whether this would change everything, or nothing at all, whether they’d like it, or whether they wouldn’t. Although George supposed he already knew the answers, from his perspective.

George realised the meaning was hidden under the surface, waiting to rear its head. And maybe it wouldn’t make an appearance for a while, maybe it’d give George time to process, and maybe it wouldn’t swallow him up whole. Or maybe it was already there, whispers in the air, motions in the quiet.

Maybe there was no escaping it, George thought. Maybe this was it, and maybe it was more than just fucking a boy. He wondered if it would’ve been the same with a random bloke he’d paid for, although he knew the answer, and he knew it wouldn’t. It would’ve been distant, detached - clinical. It wouldn’t have given him this.

“I think I like boys,” Will mumbled slowly, like the words were treacle off a spoon.

George looked at him, tilting his head, “Yeah?” He reached forward again, fingers splayed reaching towards Will’s waist, like these touches were nothing, free and loose. “That’s alright.”

“Yeah,” Will rubbed at his eyes, his voice returning to normal, “Just didn’t expect it.”

“But…” George started, frowning, “But if you didn’t expect it, why did you offer to fuck me?”

“‘Cos I didn’t think it’d matter, it’d mean something, y’know?”

George stayed silent, his words caught up in the smoke.

“I thought it’d just be like… helping you out, or whatever, or maybe that’s just what I told myself.”

George looked at him desperately, at the ruffle through his hair, the warmth hidden under his cheeks, the rawness to his lips, sharpness to his jaw.

“I didn’t think I’d like it, not like this.” Will looked up, catching George’s eyes. It felt heavy, like the meaning George had considered, discussed, and wanted to avoid.

“That’s alright though, yeah?” George rubbed at his side, fingers catching in his shirt, “Doesn’t have to mean anything more than what you want it to.”

“Yeah,” Will sighed, “But I think I want it to.”

George tilted his head, blinking heavily. He felt caught up in something he couldn’t process, didn’t understand. It was meaning and it was consequences, and it was youth and freedom, figuring something out.

“That’s alright too,” George shrugged, clinging onto the fabric covering Will’s chest. “You’re in control of it.”

“Yeah, but so are you, right now.” Will stared, levelling him something heavy, like he was passing on a pitchfork in the dark, a flame lit torch in a cave. George looked around and caught sight of Will’s room, the sweat in the sheets, low lights from the walls. Something so familiar, caught in a dream.

“Yeah, but it’s up to you, what happens, what this means, and shit.”

“What do you mean?” Will asked, his voice returning to something sturdy, rough and raw. George smiled, withdrawing his hand from his waist.

“Do you wanna fuck me, or not? It’s your choice.”

Will snorted, rolling his eyes. “Here I am, telling you this shit about liking blokes, having a realisation while I’m fingering you - my best mate - and your question is do I wanna fuck?”

George shook his head, laughing blindly, he let his body fall back against the sheets, head resting against the pillows. “That’s not the point, though.” George hummed, feeling like he was saying something profound or stupid - there wasn’t an in between. “It’s you, taking control, and deciding what you wanna do with that information.”

Will looked at him and just snorted again, George huffed a laugh, kicking him with his shin. “Oi - none of that.” Will caught his leg, rubbing his calf with his fingers. George stayed stupidly still, pausing in his motions.

“It’s whether you wanna fuck me or not,” George shrugged, carrying on, letting Will’s fingers draw down his legs like he was tracing shapes, “It doesn’t have to mean more, if you don’t want it to, or it can mean whatever you want it to… it doesn’t have to be more than whatever you want.”

“I think I liked you better when you were moaning into my pillow,” Will shook his head, laughing under his breath. George resisted the urge to hit him with said pillow.

“I’m just saying,” George protested, gesturing towards Will, kicking his feet out and spreading his legs.

Will watched him carefully, like he was looking for answers - like they were looking for answers in each other. George supposed that was the point of it, figuring it out, finding the answers, but he felt burning through his veins and through his lungs, like it was more, like it would always be more.

Before he could consider it again, Will leaned over him, holding himself up above him with his wrist, pushing their hips together again, this time with George’s lower half bare. He kissed him roughly, colliding lips and tongues, teeth scratching each other's gums. George couldn’t help but smile.

“Guess I’m gonna fuck you then,” Will mumbled against George’s mouth, breaths merging, spilling into each other.

George just smiled again, wider and broader, “If that’s what you’re choosing.”

“Yeah,” Will shook his head, holding down George’s hips, “It is.”

“How do you want me, then?” George asked again, grinning manically through a desperate broken breath.

Will shook his head, rolling his eyes, “However you want, George.”

George grinned, like it was careless, like it mattered, but that was okay. He smiled and pulled himself up, meeting Will’s mouth in a kiss, before turning over again.

“Yeah?” Will asked. George revelled in the hitch in his voice. “On your front?”

George smirked, uncaring whether Will could see or not. He crawled onto his hands and knees, sinking his head into the pillow, holding his hips up, his knees spread behind him. “Yeah.”

“Bit naughty, that is,” Will mumbled, his voice sounding jagged, broken like glass.

All George could do was grin, “I did ask where you wanted me.”

“Yeah,” Will sighed, his fingers reaching in the sheets, fumbling with the box of condoms. “You sure then?”

“Will, I literally just got into position, I’m hardly gonna say no now, am I?”

“Just checking, you idiot,” Will laughed, rustling with the plastic of the wrapper. George heard him tugging his boxers down, fingers stroking down his length before sliding the condom down his cock. He tried to look around and watch him, but Will held him steady, a hand on his hips, pushing him into the mattress.

“Fuck me then,” George groaned, shaking on his knees, feeling Will behind him, the wrapper tossed onto the floor as George shuffled backwards, trying to get closer. “Hurry up.”

“Bossy,” Will laughed, his voice levelling out, his fingers pulling George’s cheeks apart, playing with his rim before he lined up his cock, pressing into him slowly.

He pushed in gently, like he wanted to drag it out. George wanted to squirm, push back, tell him to go faster, but he couldn’t speak. It was different from his own fingers, different from Will’s fingers. It felt desperate and carnal and George never wanted it to end.

“Fucking hell,” George groaned, pushing his facce into the pillows, trying to stop the sounds spilling out.

“Alright?” Will asked, his voice raw, grumbly in the air, against George’s spine. Their hips lined up, Will bottoming out into George, steadying him with his palms against his hips and his fingers digging into his bone. George wondered if they’d leave bruises, purples and blues, he thought he wanted them to, really.

“Fucking please move, you absolute-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Will interrupted him, huffing a laugh beneath a moan, “You feel good, give me a minute.”

“If you cum before I do, I swear to God.”

Will snorted, steadying George’s hips with one hand, pushing his back into the bed with the other. George arched his back to oblige, slowly curling under the pressure like he was going to snap. He’d never felt so full, like the pressure was filling him from the inside out, like it was never going to end.

“I’m not,” Will clarified, “You just feel good,” He mumbled, pulling back carefully, holding his cheeks apart to watch his cock drive into him, growing in pace steadily until he was fucking him properly, like he meant it, like it was shared desperation.

“Yeah?” George asked, “Fucking a boy’s not bad then, huh?”

“Shut up,” Will grumbled, fucking into him harder, skin sounding through the night. “You know it’s fucking good.”

“I know it, do I?” George said, just to be awkward, just to feel obscene. He cricked his neck trying to look at Will behind him, catching his eyes before Will pushed him down again.

“Yeah,” Will moaned, “You fucking do.”

“Better than a girl?” George blurted out, the sounds muffled through a whine.

Will exhaled slowly, breath heavy against George’s skin. “Tighter, than a girl.”

“That make it better?” George asked, pushing the question. He heard Will laugh behind him, his thumbs pushing into his skin. George couldn’t resist the sounds spilling through his lips.

“Just different,” Will answered, pausing to move his knees, spreading George’s thighs, fucking into him with a reinforced vigour, “What about you? This feel good?”

George moaned, “What do you think?” He laughed heavy into the sheets, his fingers twisting in the fabric like a lifeline. “Feels really fucking good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” George mumbled, “Different to fingers,” He said again, out loud this time. “Better, I’d say.”

“No one fucked you before then?”

“Sort of the whole point of this, Will.” George laughed, “Feels really fucking good, though.”

“Yeah,” Will moaned, fucking into him hard, skin rough and sounds desperate. It felt needy, like it was endless, like the white sparks were never going to catch up to him. George groaned, his throat protesting with a groan.

“Better than paying someone for it?” Will asked, probing deeper, teasing him for it.

George just nodded, refusing to play games, telling him the truth, “Yeah.”

“Good,” Will answered, his voice growing, becoming reckless, like this was shattering the ground beneath them. He moaned thick in his throat, pulling George back against him, meeting his thrusts when he fucked in, “You look really good,” Will said again, causing George to moan.

“Shut up,” George squirmed, feeling Will’s eyes across his back, the fabric of his shirt still tucked up to his chest, “Just fuck me.”

“I am,” Will protested, pushing into him harder to prove his point. George wondered if something was going to break, either George or the bed, or the ground, the building. He clenched his eyes shut and focused on Will’s hips behind him, his cock full and hard inside him, something urgent settling on the surface.

His nerves were burning, like the flames had never really went, like maybe they were there all along. The smoke consumed him, he couldn’t see past his eyelids, everything hazy and distant, focusing on the pleasure, the sparks and the electrics.

“Gonna cum,” George mumbled, moving a hand curled in the sheets to his cock, heavy and hard with each thrust. He tugged himself off to match Will’s pace, rough and desperate, frantic energy in the air.

“Yeah?” Will asked, “You look really fucking good - sound it, too.”

George groaned, twisting under the pressure like he couldn’t keep still. He pushed backwards into Will, squirmed under the gaze, the height of pleasure growing on top of him, swallowing him up in a cloud of flames.

He came desperate and aching in his fist, leaking across Will’s sheets, his knuckles stained with the heat. He thumbed at his head, tugging himself off through the aftershocks, fidgeting with the stimulation.

He came back into the moment, slow like he was awakening from a dream. He noticed Will had slowed down, shallowed out, and he didn’t want that, he wanted Will to feel good, wanted to feel him cum.

“Keep going,” George mumbled, pressing his head into the pillow, rocking on his hands and knees, trying to get Will to keep moving. “Please, just-”

“You sure?” Will hesitated, fucking in deeper but more careful. George felt like he was choking, he wanted the raw nature, the pressure and the heat. He wanted Will to lose it.

“Fucking just, keep fucking me,” George groaned, moaning as Will finally listened. The sounds picked up again, Will’s breathy moans in the air, something grounded but rough in his throat.

He could barely see, his vision blurred with something endless, like a heavy weight of something that mattered. George couldn’t remember how that felt, if he’d even felt it before, but he never wanted it to end.

“Fucking fit, you are,” Will whispered, like George wasn’t meant to hear. He thought about pretending not to, but he decided he couldn’t help himself.

“If I’m that fit, fucking cum, then.”

Will snorted, choking as he fucked into him, pressing into him like he was hungry for it. George pushed back, like it was a battle of give and take, like it was push and pull. Will’s pace grew fraught, desperate and heavy, and then his voice was cracking, moaning as his hips stilled.

He came desperately, fingers gripping into George’s hips like it was all he could do to stay alive. George moaned, letting his eyes fall shut as Will slowed, rolling to a halt as he moaned lightly, his body falling loose behind him.

“That feel good?” George asked, thinking the question stupid, but needing something to break the silence. He needed something more, for that feeling to last forever, he didn’t think he could lose it just like that.

“What do you think?” Will snorted, laughing as he pulled out slowly, holding George’s cheeks apart and watching as his hole fluttered around the emptiness. George blushed heavily, unable to do anything but press his face into the pillow.

Will rested his head against George’s back, pulling the condom off and tossing it towards the bin. George nodded, his body feeling cold, like the fire had finally burned out, like all that was left was ashes and the wind.

“Didn’t hurt you, did I?” Will asked, collapsing by his side, lying on his back, his head against the pillow, eyes carting over George’s face like he was looking for the answer himself.

“Nah,” George smiled, “Feel really good.”

“Would hope so,” Will rolled his eyes, “Sort of the point, that is.”

George looked up, blinking like his eyelids wanted to close, “Think the point was to figure out the whole ‘boy’ thing.”

“Yeah,” Will mumbled, looking up at the ceiling, folding his hands by his sides, “But the feeling good thing, that mattered too.”

George snorted, trying to steady himself on the bed, he let his body fall down, the sheets creased under his bones, muscles raw as he sunk into the mattress. “Yeah… think maybe I like boys too, y’know.”

“Yeah?” Will asked, turning on his side, looking at him with a tilted head and opened eyes, “Successful, then?”

George laughed, “Depends what you call successful.”

“What do you mean?”

George shrugged, closing his eyes, curling his fists up by his chest, “Just felt really good, that did.”

“Is that… is that not successful?”

George sighed, opening his eyes suddenly when he felt Will’s fingers across his neck.

“Oh,” Will mumbled, pulling back, “Sorry - think I gave you a hickey.”

George snorted, shoving his fingers out to poke at Will’s shoulder, “Is it gonna leave a mark?”

“I mean… it’s a hickey, George.” Will reached his fingers out again, prodding against the skin. “That’s sort of what they do.”

George smiled, carefully considered, “Never really had a proper hickey before.”

“What?”

“Normally I’m the one who gives them to girls, not the other way around,” George mumbled, batting Will’s hands away when his nails dug into the mark against his collar bone.

“You saying girls don’t give you hickeys?” Will asked again, something like disbelief in his tone. George just snorted, letting his eyes blink shut.

“Yeah,” George nodded, “That is what I’m saying, yeah.”

“I’ll give you another, if you want,” Will said slowly, as if it was nothing, as if they were back at the beginning, when he offered to do all this, when George agreed. “A proper one - that was a bit half-hearted, that one.”

“Nah,” George mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up against the pillow. He wondered if he would always blush this much with Will from now on. “Maybe another time.”

Will gained this stupid look spread across his face. George wanted to punch him - he didn’t really, but he didn’t like the way he looked at him, his eyes were glimmering with unlit sparks. “Another time, huh?”

“Shut up,” George groaned, “I’ve just cum, don’t take any notice of what I say.”

“Another time?” Will repeated, like the words were precious and he didn’t want to throw them away. “You saying you wanna do this again?”

“No,” George mumbled, holding the pillow up around his ears, “I’m just… I don’t know, Will.”

George sneaked a look at Will above the pillowcase, watching his face smile like it was cracking with the intensity. He wished he hadn’t looked when he felt his blood burning a few seconds later.

“How do you feel though,” Will asked, waking George from the hazy grey area from sleep and consciousness, “About it all, y’know, sleeping with a bloke - sleeping with me.”

George blinked at him carefully, his hands grabbing out to reach for the duvet, folding it over his bare legs, accepting the tissues Will passed him to clean himself up, “Good?” George answered cautiously, “I sort of… I sort of knew I’d like it, beforehand, y’know? So it’s more of a confirmation than a surprise.”

“That’s good though, yeah?” Will asked, taking George’s dirty tissues off him and tossing them over his bedside table, “Y’know, to have that confirmation.”

“Yeah,” George nodded, his fingers wrapped around Will’s sheets. “Am I supposed to thank you, for all this?”

Will snorted, looking back up at the ceiling, folding the duvet across his knees, “Not unless you want, it’s not like I did you a favour-”

“I mean,” George interrupted, “You sort of did.”

“Yeah,” Will nodded, tilting his head, turning to face George, his eyes blurred by the pillows, “But I wanted to… like, it wasn’t like I was just doing it for you, y’know?”

George nodded slowly, “So you said you think you like blokes?”

Will snorted, looking back up at the ceiling, like he couldn’t decide who was least scary to face. “Yeah,” He murmured, his voice sounding gentle, like he didn’t want to admit it. “I mean, I don’t know if you heard me cum-”

“Yeah,” George cut him off, rubbing his head into Will’s pillow, “Yeah, I did… Assume that means you liked it, considering how fucking loud you were, like, I swear you were like something possessed.”

Will laughed, nudging him in the shoulder, “Shut up.” George just grinned, smiling while he stretched out his legs, curling in on his side rather than his front. “But no, really… It was good, y’know?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Will nodded, folding his hands across his chest, twisting his nails around his skin, “It feels big, admitting that.”

“It doesn’t have to,” George mumbled softly, reaching his fingers out to stop Will’s hands moving, “It only has to be as big as you make it.”

“Is that how you’re viewing it?”

George sighed, considering it, thinking about what he thought prior to all of this, about consequences, outcomes, friendship and sexuality. He wondered about it all, the deadly question: whether it mattered. In the end, he nodded, “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“How’s it that easy?” Will asked, turning back on his side, knees knocking against George’s own, arms flung across the space between them. “How is it like… how do you feel like that?”

“Suppose it helps I’ve had longer to think of it,” George snorted.

Will interjected before he could carry on, “Yeah - I’d never fucking considered it until you suggested this whole… this prostitute thing.”

“Why? Did you consider it then, as well?” George asked, curious.

“Not really, it was just like, you planted the idea, y’know? And I could like picture you and this random bloke, and it was weird, really.”

George raised his eyebrows, “You saying you thought about me and some bloke-”

“No,” Will prodded him with his fingers, all jabby and hard. George just laughed, “I’m saying that’s when I thought about boys, like that, you know?”

“Yeah,” George nodded, forcing his face to stop smiling, pushing Will’s fingers off his shoulder where they were crawling back towards his neck. He didn’t want the bruise to be any bigger than it already was.

“But anyway - really, how’s it that easy, y’know, for it to just be like… accepted?”

George looked at Will, honest eyes with warm truths, questions whispered in the dark. He smiled gently and twisted his knees with Will’s, calling it a motion of solidarity, of security.

“I sort of accepted I didn’t know the outcome beforehand… but that came after growing paranoid over how many outcomes there actually were and how many I liked the idea of.” George tried at a smile, looking into the distance, staring at Will’s bedroom walls, up to his ceiling.

“But now you know the outcome, does that change anything?”

“Not really,” George thought about it, “‘Cos all that’s changed is I’m more sure about it, what I like. It’s not like…” He trailed off, looking for the words he couldn’t find, “It’s whether you want it to matter or not, ‘cos at the end of the day, you’re gonna be the same person regardless.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like,” George mumbled slowly, his voice sounding hazy to his own ears, like he couldn’t define anything, like he was figuring out a soundtrack to things already in motion, “Like whether I wanna admit it or not, I enjoyed that, so what does it matter?”

Will just looked at him, careful like he was delicate. George met his eyes and thought about how fast seasons changed; the burning of the summer sun to the delicate nature of winter. “How does that loop around to acceptance.”

George went to answer, to open his mouth and figure out the words afterwards, but the words never came. “I don’t know,” He said instead, snorting as Will shook his head, shutting his eyes. “I’m tired and I’ve just cum. But like… my point is, does it actually matter, whether you liked it or despised it?”

“I mean-”

George ignored him, carrying on now that he’d found the words he’d needed to tell himself - Will listening was only a secondary, although he supposed Will revolved around the point, the meaning.

“Does it matter to anyone besides you?” George said, his fingers resting against the pile of limbs between bodies. “Is it gonna affect anyone besides you? No, it’s not.” George answered for him, “So the only way it matters, is whether you let it matter or not.”

“Suppose so,” Will hummed, smiling to meet the curl of George’s lips, “Don’t really think it’s that easy though, is it?”

George smiled, sighing in his breath, “Course not, nothing is. The question is whether I care, and I’m gonna be honest, Will, I don’t care at all.”

“You think you’re just spouting shit ‘cos you’re tired and you’ve just cum?” Will laughed, narrowing his eyes through a smile. “‘Cos you sound way too profound for me.”

“Shut up,” George mumbled, prodding his finger against Will’s skin, grasping onto his shirt. He wondered if Will was right, if he was just being stupid, tired and fucked out, but he thought again whether he cared. He didn’t think he did, really. 

He cared about the meaning, to some extent - although he didn’t know where the lines blurred, where meaning and whether it mattered crossed paths, whether they were on two separate roads at all. But maybe he didn’t know the answers, maybe he didn’t need them.

Maybe he didn’t need the answers. Maybe all he needed was the meaning, him and Will, this fire put to bed with the curtains pulled shut. Maybe he could figure it all out as hours turned into days and days into months. Maybe he didn’t need to know, at least, not now.

And maybe, maybe this was better than paying a random bloke - although he supposed maybe that wasn’t a maybe at all. He supposed he knew it was reality. He knew this was better than something cold and clinical - it was Will, and he thought that would always be better.

So maybe, maybe all that mattered was that moment, and that meaning, and that was all it was.

“I’m going to sleep, do not tell me I’m gonna have to move, ‘cos I’m not gonna.”

Will just snorted, causing George to smile where his eyes were shut. “Bossy, you are.”

“Let me sleep,” George groaned, smiling into Will’s pillow as he tugged up the duvet, curling himself up, thinking he was right, and meaning was something hazy, undefined because it could be, and it mattered, he supposed, but moments were more than that.

“Yeah, alright.” Will mumbled, his breath dusting across George’s cheeks. He smiled, because he could, because it mattered, because it didn’t. He smiled, and thought he liked it, like this, and maybe, maybe that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hello big hearts thank u for reading im a big soft bitch so thank u i hope u enjoyed
> 
> sorry i went off at the end i shouldnt have but yeah im deranged so idk what else u expect from me
> 
> pls kudos and comment if u wanna cos genuinely it means a lot thank u
> 
> my tumblr is roboticdisposition so message me if u wanna
> 
> thank u i hope u enjoyed xxx


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